THE LULZ

SNAPE!

I FOUND YOUR IPOD WHILE YOU WERE GONE

*ALL NERVOUS AND SUCH*

BARTY, FOR OUR ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF US BEING ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED, I GIVE YOU THE FOLLOWING, IT’S NOTHING AMAZING OR SPECIAL, BUT IT’S SOMETHING I THOUGHT MIGHT ENTERTAIN YOU:

I TOOK A TRIP IN TIME AND WENT BACK TO THREE OF THE COOLEST OCTOBER 9THS IN HISTORY. AND THE FIRST ONE I WENT TO WAS THE ONE THE LONGEST TIME AWAY AND THAT WAS 1604. IN 1604, THEY DISCOVERED A SUPERNOVA, WHICH WE’VE FLOWN BY A BUNCH OF TIMES - SUPERNOVA 1604! HOW NEATO IS THAT? ANYWAY, I GOT YOU AN ORIGINAL JOHANNES KEPLER SKETCH OF THE PERSONIFICATION OF THE SUPERNOVA. I WOULDN’T GO BACK AND THANK HIM PERSONALLY, HE DOESN’T KNOW I STOLE IT HE’S A VERY BUSY MAN AND ALL.


THE SECOND OCTOBER 9TH I WENT TO WAS IN 1871 TO THE GREAT CHICAGO FIRE. IT WAS BLAZIN’ PRETTY HARDCORE AND I WAS SO PRETTY, IT’S A SHAME YOU DIDN’T SEE ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE DYING IT. ANYWAY, HERE’S A NEWSPAPER CLIPPING OF WHAT THEY THINK WENT DOWN. BUT IN MY DEFENSE, IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN ANYWAY, I JUST… KINDA BUMP-STARTED IT. *BEAMS*


AND THE LAST TRIP TO OCTOBER 9THS WAS IN 1986 (BAD HAIR TIMES, BTW) AND I WENT TO SEE PHANTOM ON OPENING NIGHT, BECAUSE I WAS GONNA- WELL, I’LL GET TO THAT IN A MINUTE. ANYWAY, I KINDA SORTA SANG ALONG AND ERM… WELL… IT’S STILL AROUND, SO, THAT’S GOOD, RIGHT?


HERE’S A CARD, TOO. IT’S FULL OF NOW-DEAD PEOPLE I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE. IT’S FULL OF BEST WISHES AND HELLOS AND THANK YOUS AND STUFF. SHAKESPEARE, CHARLES DICKENS, CAECILIUS AND HIS FAMILY, SALVADOR DALI, PLATO, SCHOPENHAUER – EVEN *POINTS EXCITEDLY* QUEEN VICTORIA. *UNIMPRESSED LOOK* SHE WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT ONE TO GET TO SIGN, BUT I GOT HER.


A SIDE
SOMEWHERE ONLY WE KNOW: KEANE
JUST MY IMAGINATION: THE CRANBERRIES
YOUR EYES: ALEXZ JOHNSON
SYMPHONIC: EMM GRYNER
IT’S TOUGHT TO HAVE A CRUSH: OK GO
GET LOST: PATRICK WOLF
TIL HIM: THE PRODUCERS OST

B SIDE
ACCIDENT WAITING TO HAPPEN: DROWSY CHAPERONE OST
KISS ME: SIXPENCE NONE THE RICHER
INVINCIBLE: MUSE
LOVE ME DO: THE BEATLES
BENEFIT OF LYING (WITH YOUR FRIEND): APPLES IN STEREO
COULD IT BE: CHRISTY CARLSON ROMANO
ELEPHANT LOVE MEDLY: MOULIN ROUGE OST

*BONUS TRACK - WE BELONG TOGETHER: MARIAH CAREY



BUT YOU KNOW, ALL THAT COOL STUFF HAPPENED ON ALL THOSE DAYS AND I MET ALL THOSE AWESOME PEOPLE AND I LOOK AT THIS DAY TODAY AND REALIZE THAT THERE IS GONNA BE NO NEWSPAPER PUBLISHING ABOUT THIS AND THERE’S NOT GONNA BE ANY WEIRD SKETCHES. I KNOW I DIDN'T GIVE YOU ANYTHING SPECTACULAR THAT MAKES YOUR HEART SKIP A BEAT LIKE MINE DOES WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER. BUT OUT OF ALL THE TIME I’VE SEEN AND OUT OF ALL THE PLACES I WENT, THERE’S NO WHERE I’D RATHER BE THAN HERE WITH YOU. AS IT STANDS RIGHT NOW, I COULDN'T CARE LESS IF YOU GOT ME SOMETHING OR NOT BECAUSE, AND THIS WILL SOUND CHEESY AND DUMB, BUT REALLY? ALL I NEED IS YOU AROUND TO MAKE MY DAY THE BEST IT COULD BE. I WOULD RATHER GET AK'D A THOUSAND TIMES OVER THAN NOT HAVE HAD THIS PAST MONTH.

BARTY, I ... I .. *CHICKENS OUT* I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. *BLUSHES*

I AM JUST SO FUNNY AND GOOD LOOKING, LULZ